The News Is Ludicrous: Ludicrous News 2/12/2013

I haven’t found much cause for humor lately, so I’m not going to pass up this opportunity now that some humor has come my way.  Today in another long overdue edition of Ludicrous News:  The News.

  1. Sarah Palin is joining al-Jazeera!  Except that she’s not.  It was a parody that a reporter named Suzi Parker at the Washington Post took for gospel, and was all over this breaking story like a cheap suit.  She would have scooped everyone but her source if it had actually been real.
  2. It’s cold because it’s hot?  After asking if a blizzard was caused by global warming, a reporter follows up with a question to Bill Nye about an asteroid being caused by global warming.  Someone beat me to this piece of satire, and they weren’t even trying…to be satirical.  That’s right folks.  Are big rocks caused by too many SUVs?  We find out next if we can stop laughing.
  3. The Joe Biden seal of approval.  He’s counting on the legitimate media to help cover the gun control discussions.  Or perhaps hide them, spin them, and otherwise misinform.  With Biden, you can never really tell, though the truth does escape him every so often.

And so ends today’s edition of Ludicrous News.  With reporting like this, who needs this blog for laughs?  Wait, did I just write that out loud?

Sarah Palin is Not Running For President

It’s official.  Sarah Palin is not running for President.  At this point in the game, it’s a good thing this is decided.  With everyone scrambling over one another to hold their primaries in January, her entry now would confuse things greatly.

Besides, she has real options out of the race.

Remember DeMint’s group?  Well, she could take that route and help populate Washington with real conservative leadership with her own PAC.  Palin is a media magnet, a fundraising powerhouse, and has a loyal following of supporters.  Instead of holding one office as President, she can help a lot of fellow conservative travellers get their own positions and do a boatload of good.

She can still drive Obama nuts.  She’s been doing it for years with a Facebook page.  If she put her mind to creating a larger organization around herself, she would be an even bigger force than she already is.  So while she may not be President in 2012, she hardly has to go away.  Not by a long shot.

News link credit:  Hot Air.

Breaking News: Document Dump Contains Paper

Sarah Palin’s emails during her time as governor were released, and the media is acting like it’s a veritable Christmas-sized destroy Palin present.  Heck, Hot Air has an MSM news video of a palette of emails being loaded into a truck.  They thought it was newsworthy enough to film a palette of paper.

As for the redactions, they likely have an actual purpose.  They might have been removing Personally Identifiable Information.  You can’t give that to just anyone, so it gets redacted.  And emails tend to contain things like the senders’ and recipients’ email addresses, which are Personally Indentifiable Information.

So it’s time to treat this breaking story as what it is:  laughingstock.

Breaking News:  Document Dump Contains Paper

Juneau, Alaska – This just in:  A palette of Sarah Palin’s emails sent and received during the time she was governer has just been rolled out on a palette stacked with paper.

We believe each of these individual sheets is approximately 8 1/2 by 11 inches and bleached white.  It’s possible that some of them might also be 8 1/2 by 14 inches rectangular.  When asked about it, the government worker that was pushing the palette confirmed that yes, it was indeed stacked with paper and furthermore, that paper might have letterhead on it.

We have yet to confirm how the emails have made their way onto paper, but there’s far too much of the stuff for government work.  We don’t know how much greenhouse gas Sarah Palin created when she wrote the email or how many of them she had business writing.  We can’t confirm if there’s an investigation ongoing to determine if she wrote too much email, not enough, and whether or not the document dump she didn’t request used more government resources than allotted.

If nothing else, the letterhead printed on the paper containing her emails which were released, though not necessarily by Palin’s request, cost the state of Alaska an indeterminate amount of money.  When asked how much the custom government letterhead in this email dump cost the taxpayers of Alaska, the government worker pushing the cart declined to respond after looking at us like we were mad.

In other news, the national deficit…wait, we’ve just been informed that yes, Palin’s actual emails have been printed on paper.  Here’s the footage once again of the palette of emails being loaded into a truck.  We have confirmed that, and we’ll report reading some of that paper as it happens.

Unless the paper has been redacted for unknown reasons they won’t tell us and may or may not have anything to do with Sarah Palin.

This stuff’s just getting tough to parody

Bachmann is Paying Rollins Money For This?

And now for today’s moment of stupid from Michelle Bachmann.

Her top campaign consultant Ed Rollins went out of his way to attack Sarah Palin, and not on any substantive point.  Basically, he stated that Palin wasn’t a serious candidate who had the Vice Presidential slot on the McCain ticket handed to her (paraphrased).  And the best news about this is that this attack reflects on Bachmann, which is where the stupid comes into play.

Rollins effectively called Bachmann’s sense into question and infuriated the exact same group of voters she’ll need to bring to her side to win the primary and take residence in the White House.  There’s no way this doesn’t hurt her, either.  Either he’s doing this on her orders, which will make her unpopular quickly with Palin’s very loyal and energetic base, or he’s running rogue and demonstrating that Bachmann can’t manage her own campaign team much less the country.  Lose-lose.

Is Bachmann actually paying Rollins money for this?  Thanks to this bit of cute snark, she’s the next in a sizeable list of Republican nominees whose candidacies have started off on the wrong foot (or in Newt’s case, ended before they began).  But as I mentioned with Daniels during his fleebagger capitulation farce, it’s good the losers are weeding themselves from the process early.  We don’t need another McCain, no matter how much fun it is to remind him that he blew his one shot at greatness in 2008.

Now for the shameless philosophical pitch.  Want to throw the 11th Commandment out the window in the event RINOs or Bachmann do?  Be an independent conservative and rake any daft Republicans you want across the coals at any time.  It’s good to make Republicans pay when they do something stupid.