Category Archives: Satire, Humor, and Dementia

Satire, humor, assorted political dementia, and anything else that only exists because I can’t answer the question “Why not?” when I thought it up.

Countdown to The Hippiegeddonpockalypse

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The next batch of Climategate emails has made its way online.  So now, more evidence of suppression and less than ethically executed science the AGW spinners would rather not exist will have to be fought by them yet again.  Their case was damaged severely last time, and an endless series of these drips should be enough to finish the spin.

It won’t finish the AGW believers however.  They’ll still be around making increasing pains of themselves even if the normal people stop believing them.  Likely, the hyperbole will start up again and grow ever more insane as they try to fight this latest wave of truth.  So, there’s only one way to head that off at the pass.

Mock the living *&*$ out of it…

Countdown to The Hippiegeddonpockalypse

 You didn’t believe us when we told you global warming would cause hippies.  You didn’t act while you still had time.  Now, if you don’t agree to all of carbon exchanges and green living standards we demand right this very instant, you’ll be living with the unbearable in a mere five years…The Hippiegeddonpockalypse.

The Anthropomorphic Global Warming thermodynamic mass generation of sponateous hippies will reach proportions not seen in human history or at least since Woodstock.  In fact, the southeastern United States will be completely covered by drum circles so large they can be seen from space.  The second-hand marijuana fumes alone will render anyone in the area unable to walk five paces without getting stoned and tearing into a bag of potato chips.  And there won’t be enough to go around.

The science is settled.  A full 85-90% of the population will be hippies in five years due to the heat.  Nothing productive will get done.  Human industry will cease.  The whole world will become one giant down twinkle.  No, you can’t see our data because you conservative rubes are too stupid to understand it, and will have no one but yourselves to blame when the Bogus Maximus sets in.

Don’t let the world become a giant music festival.  Listen to Al Gore.  He has a Nobel Peace Prize.  Stop The Hippiegeddonpockalypse now.

I’m pretty sure I’ve touched on all the tactics here.  Still, if you see any holes in the political dementia, let me know.

News link credit:  BigGovernment

All Your Teleprompter Are Belong To Us

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All this sweet political dementia is happening in Virginia today.  The fun one was that someone stole a truck full of Obama’s stage equipment, including the Teleprompter Of The United States (TOTUS).  They recovered the truck and the equipment, but can you imagine realizing you just boosted the President’s stuff?

It could have been worse.  They could have stolen the POTUS from the TOTUS.  Then where would the real brains behind the White House be…

Henrico County, VA – In an alarming turn of events, a limousine filled with the TOTUS’ Obama prop was stolen today.

This has been confirmed with the Department of Defense, but there are still a lot of questions.  Did the thieves realize what they were stealing?  Were they only after the limousine?  Were they aware that the Obama prop had no market value?  The suspects are still at large, but likely saw the limousine and couldn’t resist the target.

Sources say there was nothing of worth in the vehicle outside of the Obama prop, which the otherwise mute TOTUS has needed to make intelligent speeches since it was elected.  However, a series of gaffes and off-TOTUS remarks by the Obama prop have been blamed on the TOTUS, and there have been some calls among its campaign staff to have the prop replaced since the ’57 states’ remark.  However, TOTUS continues to use the prop and defends the action.

“TOTUS believes the baritone of its Obama prop most reaches the American people,” an unnamed aide to TOTUS told us on condition of anonymity.  “Despite losing control of the prop on several occasions, TOTUS still believes Obama’s reading skill surpasses that of Biden, who would be the only alternative.  However, had we not recovered the Obama reader, TOTUS is confident it could make do with the Vice President.”

If that had actually happened, it would have been even more fun.

News link credit:  Doug Powers at Michelle Malkin’s blog.

Remember Your Etiquette Wingnuts

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Truly, the lack of civility in American political discourse today is pandemic.

Now, while we may have some legitimate disagreements with those terrorist, hostage-taking Tea Party cavemen, we would never resort to ad hominem attacks.  Furthermore, we would never stoop so low as to raise our voices in anger when they oppose us on climate change, even if they are as bad as Holocaust deniers while they’re using baby seals for target practice.  We understand that it may take a while for them to realize that carbon should be taxed by the gram and will happily show the slopeheaded imbeciles all the understanding they require while their tiny impaired brains catch up to our genius.

Still, we would admonish them to be more reasonable in their debate and not torment us with their tax cut withdrawal symptoms as the psychotic addicts that they are.  Just because our policies have never worked and that we’re borrowing more money than we can hope to repay is no reason some drooling horde of yellow-flag waving wingnuts should throw a childish hissy fit and oppose us.  They should follow McCain’s example of bipartisanship and epic campaign failure.

Now, be good little serfs and remember who your betters are while keeping your discourse civil.  Better still, keep your discourse nonexistent.  That way, we don’t have to remind you that strapping on your suicide bombs is a bad way to debate, you terrorist extremist racist bigoted homophobic Tea Party losers.

Who Wants To Be In a Debt Default Campaign Ad?

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That’s right folks!  It’s time for everyone’s not so favorite anxiety-generating gameshow, “Who Wants To Be In a Debt Default Campaign Ad?”  Today’s contestants:  Every Senate Democrat up for re-election in 2012!

For those of you tuning in for the first time, here’s how it works.  The Senate takes a vote to table the only real debt ceiling measure currently on the table, the Cut, Cap, and Balance approach that just passed the House in spite of the efforts of the Gang of Six and their newly minted establishment Republican turd, Senator Coburn.  Since the public supports the basic idea behind Cut, Cap, and Balance two-to-one, a lot of vunerable Democrat senators get to make a choice:

  1. Behind Door #1 is the opportunity to fall on their swords for President Obama, the man who put a lot of Democratic Congress sorts out of their jobs in 2010.  He’s screwed up so much, he destroyed the myth of the Blue Dog Democrat and exposed his party for the pack of frothing Marxists they are.  If they choose this option, they kill the bill and get to be the topic of their very own campaign ads describing how they’re in opposition to government thrift and the general public at large.  Plus, there’s a realistic chance that the result will be to pull the emergency stop on the gravy train feeding their base come August 2nd.
  2. Behind Door #2 is the opportunity to piss off their base and vote for the bill.  While this would allow them some room to pretend that they’re independents again, their leftist foot soldiers won’t be happy with them.  Making the sensible vote to debate this bill alone should send their base into barking frenzies galore.  Heck, it might even result in some primary challenges.
  3. If they wimp out and vote present, they piss off everyone for failing to take a stand.  See Door #1 for the potential results.

What will happen next?  A no-win set of choices that I’m glad aren’t happening to me!  Isn’t being a Democrat in the Age of Obama grand?

News links to reports at Hot Air and Pundit & Pundette.