A Public Service Annoucement for AGW Green

Are you suffering from any of the following?

• A skepticism of Anthropogenic Global Warming?
• The delusion that randomly halting development in the guise of saving fruit flies is a farce?
• An unjustifiable need to think before you act?
• The inability to find the logic in not developing America’s resources when the whole world is doing just that with their own?
• The completely irrational belief that there might be something wrong when Al Gore flies around in private jets, rides in limousines, and lives in a monstrous house, and then tells you that you need to live in a cottage and ride a unicycle to work?

If you do, then you could be suffering from Inconvenient Truth Disorder (IRD).  This insidious disorder affects more people every day, and it must be halted.  Fortunately, there is a cure:  AGW Green.

With AGW Green, you too can be an environmentalist.  Just two tablets a day, and suddenly, the belief that a fish is more important than keeping on the water to farmers in Northern California will make perfect sense.  In a few short weeks, you’ll be green, modern, and unquestioning in your devotion to Mother Earth.

Ask Al Gore if AGW Green is right for you.  Side effects may include…

• The desire to wear Birkenstocks.
• A need to use hyperbole to defend your positions, such as “A chunk of Brazilian rain forest the size of New York disappears every year!”, “The ice caps are going to melt and drown all the polar bears!”, or “If we don’t stop global warming, everyone will spontaneously combust!”
• The overwhelming urge to pummel non-believers.
• The possibility of embarrassment when your university is hacked and exposes your mentality for what it is.
• The desire to halt construction on large projects to save field mice.
• And an inability to stop protesting.

Don’t wait.  If you have symptoms of ITD, act now.

P.S.: Unlike that awful Soylent Green, AGW Green is only made from the finest green environmentalists.  World population growth is a problem, after all.

Filed under: Satire, Humor, and Dementia on November 21st, 2009