If there’s one thing Democrats do well, it’s blame other people.

It never fails.  Someone asks why something is going down the drain on their watch, and they have someone to blame.  Why did the doctor bribe reported at Michelle Malkin fail?  The AMA is to blame.  Why are Obama numbers down in the dumps?  Fox News is to blame.  They don’t hesitate, they don’t care if it’s a non-sequitor, or have any shame.  When the Democrats absolutely, positively have to screw up something overnight, they’ll always have someone to blame.

Well, it’s time for some new things to blame.  I’ve offered this advice before, but now I’m going to go the extra mile to help out The One in his hour of need.  Don’t blame people, blame things.  They can’t fight back.

Try one of these…

• The Black Plague:  Since his policies are going to have much the same effect on the country (politically and economically speaking) as The Black Plague did on Europe, Obama should blame it for America’s troubles.  Is a microscopic disease organism going to have the wit and charisma it takes to effectively refute it?  Of course not.  Plus, who likes the Black Plague?  Nobody, that’s who.
• Mushrooms:  That’s right.  Those pesky mushrooms should have tried harder to make everyone just like them.  I mean seriously, who wouldn’t want to live in the dark and eat organic fertilizer?  If those stupid mushrooms could just sell their green lifestyle to the rest of America, Obama would be set.  In the meantime, he could just say they’re not real news organizations.
• Cows:  We hate cows anyway.  They fart so much, they’re a major cause of global warming.  They’re used to make steak, which is bad for you.  And they just stand there like a…cow.  Besides, what are they going to do about it if Obama starts demonizing them?  Say “moo”?  It would be so much easier arguing with a cow instead of, say, Rush Limbaugh, who shreds liberals for fun on his radio show five days a week.

So, to reach across the aisle and help out the other side, here are my suggestions about what to blame for the disasters to come.  If he starts now, Obama could panic-monger his way back into office in 2012 by saying that mushroom-eating cows carrying the Black Plague will kill us all if the conservatives ever get back into power.