Beware of Spontaneous Human Combustion!

By Ryan • on August 11, 2009

gun-nutThe Democrats are playing a new angle in promoting the cap-and-trade disaster:  national security.  Here’s their logic:  Some parts of the world will be so affected by global warming, it will cause all kinds of crises that require military intervention.  You know, because military intervention is so good with stopping droughts.

I could complain, but when things get this stupid, I just find it inspirational…

BEWARE OF SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION!!!!!!

Global warming is a crisis.  A disaster in the making.  The freakin’ apocalypse, I tell you!

You’ve heard how it’s destroying the planet.  It could cause wars!  Plagues!  Droughts!  Famine!  We’ll have to send the military in and start shooting the raindrops from the sky because it’ll be so bad!

And now, the latest in scientific evidence that just happened to coincide with us trying to defend the cap-and-trade bill, we’ve discovered the most insidious, destructive, security threatening threat of threats this threat will throw our way…

Spontaneous Human Combustion!

That’s right.  If you don’t support the cap-and-trade bill, people will start exploding.  One of them could be you.  You’ll just be walking down the street, and it will get so hot, you’ll explode like a Roman candle.

YOUR HEAD WILL TURN INTO A BOTTLE ROCKET, YOU FOOL!   YOUR LAST THOUGHT AS YOU LOOK DOWN AT YOUR BODY DWINDLING ON THE GROUND BELOW IS “OH MY GOD!  MY HEAD IS A BOTTLE ROCKET!  I SHOULD HAVE SUPPORTED THE CAP AND TRADE BILL!”

So be smart.  Support the cap-and-trade bill, and global warming won’t turn you into fireworks.  If you don’t, and suddenly find yourself exploding for no good reason, don’t blame us.  We warned you.

I figure I’ve hit my quota of ridiculous for the day.  Feel free to comment.

Filed under: Satire, Humor, and Dementia on August 11th, 2009

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
                -- Steven Wright

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