Hello, kids.  Today, we’re going to try something new with the global warming alarmist Al Gore.  It’s called hijacking the spotlight.

The theory is simple.  When someone appears in the news so completely dead set against conservative values, the usual response is to get mad at them.  That doesn’t work.  However, with hijacking the spotlight, you do something that rides piggyback on all the buzz the media is creating about them to defeat or undermine them.  If you’re successful, the more press they get, the more raw materials you get to send them on a one-way trip to Loserville.

In this case, I’m going to give Al Gore his wish:  He’s going to get to be the eco-superhero he’s always pretended he is…

THE GREEN GOPHER!!!

“In global warming’s smarmy light”

“No carbon shall escape my sight”

“Let those who suffer cow farts’ blight”

“Be saved by the Green Gopher’s might!”

Beware, all you eco-evildoing evildoers of evil-do-ness!  Now, not only does Al Gore have a Nobel Peace Prize and a movie, he has the power of…THE GREEN GOPHER!

Whenever no one is looking, Al Gore pops out of nowhere with all-powerful Ring of Green Carbon Credits!  With it, he can suck all the green money from everyone and then…use it to like, save the planet and stuff.  Everyone will be broke for no good reason, but who cares!  Gophers are cute!

You can do your part to help the Green Gopher rescue all that green money from those non-green evildoers of evildoing evil-do-ness!  You can:

• Have Green Gopher Photoshop contests!
• Green Gopher memes!
• Green Gopher YouTube videos!
• Watch Al Gore try to laugh you off when the press finally asks him about the Green Gopher moniker!
• See if you and your friends can guess at how long this will take to make him quit public life for good!

That, and I can’t do Photoshop, so I need a real Green Gopher picture.

Will it work? It would be fun to try, so if anyone wants to pick up on the Green Gopher, feel free.

P.S.:  On a more serious note, that pest Kirk, one of the eight Republican SCODs (Stupid Craven Other Democrats) has decided he’s going to run for Obama’s seat after all.  At least I can save money by not donating to the NRSC again in 2010.

P.P.S.:  If you’re a Green Lantern fan, be assured that I’m not ragging on your superhero.  Just some global warming nut who deserves it.