Two-Fer Maverick Alert!

By Ryan • on May 29, 2009

Such wonderful news in my email today!  Two things about the Master Maverick I can discuss at the same time!

Chris Simcox Does Not Exist

Yes, all you maverick supporters.  It’s time for some more Straight Talk Denial!  Together, you and I can deny this pesky Chris Simcox right out of existence.

Who is Chris Simcox?  Well, if he existed, he would be the man who dares believe he can defeat the Master Maverick in Arizona’s 2010 Republican Senatorial primary.  Who does this guy think he is, if he were real?  Why, if there was such a person as Chris Simcox, how dare he?

So, for those of you who don’t remember how to engage in Straight Talk Denial, here’s what you need to know about Chris Simcox (that guy that doesn’t exist, because we’re all denying it).

  1. Under no circumstances should you post a link to his web site.  Ever.  It’s not there.  In fact, I’m denying his existence so hard, I deny the Internet.  There is no Internet.  McCain’s fellow Democrat Al Gore didn’t invent it, because it’s not real.  And neither is Al Gore.
  2. Because the urge to inflict ordinary donations upon this imaginary upstart will be to great to endure, under no circumstances should you post a link to the Chris Simcox donation page.  You know, that place where you donate money to his campaign, which isn’t really there.  Take a cue from me.  Don’t do it.
  3. Don’t post his YouTube videos like the one below, because he’s not real.  Therefore, he didn’t make any videos.

  4. And under no circumstances, never, never, ever Speak The Profanity in Loud Tones at him. Only the Master Maverick may Speak The Profanity in Loud Tones, and you are not worthy. Nor is he worthy to hear it.

Together, we can deny this upstart out of existence.  That is, if he existed at all.

McCain Makes Endorsement in California

The Master Maverick has deigned to bless us with his words once again, and chosen to endorse Meg Whitman for California governor.

This means John McCain has personally given his blessing to Meg Whitman, and I now call upon you as proper maverick supporters to show her all the maverick support to which she is now rightfully entitled.  So, refresh your memories on what it means to be a maverick supporter.  When you’re done, give Meg Whitman the maverick until she screams profanity in tribute to the one who made it all possible, John McCain.

I love today.  I hope the Master Maverick gives me more reasons to shower him with maverick adulation.  Perhaps someday, he might even bless me by Speaking The Profanity in Loud Tones at me relentlessly.

Filed under: Maverick News on May 29th, 2009

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
                -- Steven Wright

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