The Extended Guide to Maverick Donations

While I’ve been in the throes of gathering news as I wait for the 2010 election cycle, it occurs to me I haven’t given any recent maverick supporter lessons to those with a sincere desire to learn.  I apologize for this, especially since it was one of the primary reasons this site was founded.

So, to start off with the new lesson plan, here’s an expanded guide to maverick donations.  The basic technique is to simply not donate any money and get yourself removed from the mailing lists of maverick politicians, but you can be so much more creative.  That way, being put on a maverick politician’s mailing list stops being an irritation, and starts being something that gives you an excuse.

So, what are the fun alternatives to simply blowing off donations?

Maverick Compliments

You can send back your non-donations with maverick compliments.  Since maverick politicians don’t listen to their constituents’ concerns, screaming at them in empty donation letters just won’t do.  So, torque their oversized egos instead and use them as laughingstocks.

Here are some examples.

• “How do you get your suits to so closely match the color of your nostrils?”
• “I bet you were even able to put your clothes on by yourself.  I’m so proud of you.”
• “Your hair is so well done.  Where did you buy it?”
• “I know you’re so awesome, you don’t need my money to get re-elected.”

Do well enough, and you might even be blessed to hear one of them Speak the Profanity in Loud Tones at you relentlessly.

Ordinary donations

I don’t agree with the position that you might find a maverick politician to be a lesser evil, but I won’t deride those of you who do.  In fact, I’m going to give you some advice.  If you believe you should donate to a maverick politician, give them the money you think they’re due IN LOOSE CHANGE.  Bonus points if you donate in unwrapped pennies.  That way, you can repay some of the irritation they’ve given you, and still soothe your conscience.

And yes, anyone can make maverick donations.  I don’t care if you’re independent, Democratic, or Republican.  If you don’t like the representation you’re getting, anyone can defeat the “Where are they going to go” mentality of your favorite maverick politician by making them wish you would go somewhere else.

Filed under: Satire, Humor, and Dementia on March 28th, 2009 1 Comment

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