Monthly Archives: November 2008

McCain Says Something Nice About a Conservative…Sort Of

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Fortunately, he didn’t say too much nice, so my world hasn’t been turned upside-down.

For some strange reason, McCain was able to get on the Leno show now that he’s lost the Presidency in his bid to be idiologically pure to his maverick principles.  He changed a full 20% of the conservatives into maverick conservatives, and convinced them to vote for Obama.  If nothing else, you can’t accuse him of being a hypocrite.  He wants to be a maverick, and he willingly lost an election so everyone else could be one too.

What’s not to like about the guy?

Anyway, while on the Jay Leno show, McCain gave the proper half-hearted defense of his conservative running mate, Sarah Palin.  In short, his response to the attacks from anonymous advisors in his campaign was simply “these things happen“.  I’m sure he despises his ordinary conservative running mate as much as he despises the rest of them, but there is 2010 to consider.  If he inspires any more mavericks, he’s going to be unemployed.

So, it’s back to tricking the ordinary conservatives while satisfying his unquenchable obsession with poking his fingers into conservative eyes.  You ordinary conservatives should be glad he even did this much.  He’s probably the reason those criticisms occurred in the first place.

The Maverick Consolation Letter

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No jokes now, folks.  It’s zero flak time.

I mentioned a couple of days ago that I might have to write the Maverick Consolation Letter.  Well, it turns out I will.  McCain just lost the election to Obama, and after eight years of him spitting on me, it’s time I sent him his political farewell.

Dear Senator McCain,

After ten years of posturing, opportunistic politics, and betraying your base for media kudos, your well-deserved fate has finally come to pass.  You BUNGLED your only chance at becoming president.  You were a weak candidate with an inept campaign, but I expected no more from you.

Unfortunately, this means I get to look forward to four years of a second Carter term, and that’s if I’m very, very fortunate.  Your loss has poked the finger you so gleefully jabbed into conservative eyes into the eye of your country.  I’ve heard so many condescending, vicious, and hostile attacks from my own ideological colleages about how I should be patriotic and back you, but not once did they consider that perhaps you shouldn’t have been so selfish as to run.  You never had a chance, but your arrogant, entitled, short-tempered egotism could never have seen that.

They’ll blame Palin for your failures, but you and I know better.  You wouldn’t have even made it this far without her.  You were more political dead weight than a strong Vice Presidential candidate and the titans in the conservative mediasphere could pull across the finish line, and you have only yourself to blame.

On the bright side, at least your credibility is shot.  The maverick media whore theory of getting elected President has just been blown out of the water, and you’re probably not going to have a lot of friends in the Senate now.  Graham was already showing signs of throwing you under the bus with The Gang of 10, so who knows if he’ll continue to be your lapdog.

Do I want for class or decorum in writing this?  You had better believe it.  But in that way, Senator, you really are as special as your ego leads you to believe.  I would never in a million years consider writing something like this to anyone else, but you have the singular capacity to bring out the worst in conservatives like me.

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you so very much for putting my yank site out of business.  I suspect you’ll do something comment-worthy in the future as you try to earn a few table scraps of puff press, but while I’ll mock you just as harshly then, far fewer people will take notice of it.

Good riddance to your presidential aspirations, McCain.  I won’t miss you.

Sincerely,

Ryan Ambrose

Tomorrow’s the Big Day!

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Well, that and the fact I may not be relevant for too much longer have finally motivated me to write again.

I haven’t seen much comment-worthy from the Master Maverick since my last post, so I haven’t said anything.  Yes, this was the final week of the election push, but he didn’t really do anything noteworthy.  It was disappointing.

Where were all the finger pokes to the eyes of ordinary conservatives?  Why wasn’t he pretending he was the second coming of Teddy Roosevelt?  You’d think he’d at least bother to knife a few conservatives in the back for puff press, but what do I get instead?  Some guy who’s actually pretending he’s not Obama’s fellow Democrat.

I’m so glad I have other news to distract me.  Otherwise, I would be drinking heavily over McCain’s behavior as an ordinary politician.

In other news, it’s time for MY MAVERICK ENDORSEMENT.

This is for the one or two of you who actually care.  After all of the maverick support and adulation I’ve rained down upon McCain, you probably think you know who I’m going to endorse.  But you would be wrong.  I wouldn’t be caught dead endorsing Barack Obama.  That would be pedestrian, predictable, and so very, very not maverick.

So, who am I going to endorse instead?  The guy I’m voting for:  Bob Barr.

For those of you who can’t decide which of the two Democrats running in this race you should choose, be original.  Vote for Bob Barr.  Among other things, he opposed the $700 Billion dollar bailout unlike both of his opponents, opposes amnesty unlike both of his opponents, and wants to shrink government spending unlike both of his opponents.  In other words, he’s more of a conservative than both of his opponents, which makes him my guy.

Yes, I’ll probably catch some flak for this, but I don’t care.  I’m a maverick supporter, after all, and following in the footsteps of the Master Maverick.  He’s gleefully reamed his own supporters in the past, and I will do no less than my best to be like him.

See you at the polls tomorrow.