John McCain gave a speech yesterday in Columbus, Ohio.  You can read his excellent-sounding words here.

Yes, by 2013, John McCain imagines that he will have managed amnesty, reached across the aisle to bamboozle Republicans, and given the Democrats everything they want in exchange for puff press.  He also mentioned plenty of other things to keep ordinary Republican supporters from bolting on him all at once.  That way, he can save some to irritate for later.

I would like to assure John McCain’s fellow Democrats that his intention to work with Republicans as stated in this speech is little more than a temporary slip.  I’m sure if he takes a laxative, this desire will go away.  He did say he would put Democrats in his government, didn’t he?  I mean, he will need Republicans there too, but that’s only because someone has to get the Democrats’ coffee and he just can’t do it.

Yes, the Master Maverick truly made a speech of great moment.  It’s an original way of sounding profound and not annoying all of his ordinary supporters at once, and I congratulate him on it.

On May 12, 2008, John McCain said he would show leadership in dealing with global warming, which is still on such shaky scientific ground that it’s proponents are using bullying tactics and deceit to defend their own positions.

Of course, he had to throw some scraps of red meat to ordinary conservative supporters, and so threw in some jargon about nuclear power so he have them to annoy later.  Otherwise, he continued to give his fellow Democrats everything they ever wanted, and happily gave everyone some Straight Talk about how much he’s showing leadership on the subject.

On July 14 of this year, McCain intends to attend the La Raza Annual Convention in San Diego.  This, on top of his pro-amnesty Hispanic Outreach Advisor Juan Hernandez and the three times he tried to get McCain-Kennedy passed should be enough to make millions of new maverick supporters out of former ordinary ones.  He had plenty of them that one time during his presidential nomination campaign, but sadly, they relapsed into ordinary supporters again.

Not to worry, O Master Maverick.  We’ll convince them for good the next time.

If you had any doubts that McCain only wants maverick supporters, here’s more proof that his disdain for his ordinary, vanilla supporters knows no bounds.  Their feelings about amnesty and lack of border enforcement are well-known, and guess what?  He’s still trying to accomplish them both with his tireless maverick efforts.

Don’t forget that he and The Official Maverick Housepet, Lindsey Graham, have been at it for a while.  They deserve a moment of recognition for their work, immortalized by the maverick supporter maker of this YouTube video.

Yes, if it wasn’t for Senator McCain, the maverick supporter paradigm wouldn’t exist at all.  Together, he and I will make all of his supporters maverick supporters, just like he wants.

McCain says he doesn’t have a temper problem, because if he did, he wouldn’t be able to deal with Democrats.  I, as his humble and slightly overwhelmed student can confirm this, because his top ten moments of Speaking The Profanity in Loud Tones are always aimed at Republicans or his own base.

Of course McCain is even-tempered with his fellow Democrats.  They understand his deific greatness, and therefore give him what he deserves.  His name always appears first on their bills, and the press grants its graces upon the Master Maverick for all of his tireless maverick efforts on their behalf.  In return, those fellow Democrats always get what they want, and can claim bipartisanship and compromise even when it isn’t there.

So I don’t want to hear another word about McCain’s temper.  HE IS COMPLETELY ZEN-LIKE, YOU CHICKEN*%$#!  EFF YOU, HE’S AS CALM AS A MOUNTAIN LAKE, YOU &*$HOLE!  HE ONLY ARGUES PASSIONATELY FOR HIS DEMOCRATIC PARTY BECAUSE HE’S A TRUE BELIEVER.  All you Republicans should be honored he bothers to Speak The Profanity in Loud Tones at you at all.  You aren’t worthy to dry clean his official Congressional pen set.