McCain says he doesn’t have a temper problem, because if he did, he wouldn’t be able to deal with Democrats.  I, as his humble and slightly overwhelmed student can confirm this, because his top ten moments of Speaking The Profanity in Loud Tones are always aimed at Republicans or his own base.

Of course McCain is even-tempered with his fellow Democrats.  They understand his deific greatness, and therefore give him what he deserves.  His name always appears first on their bills, and the press grants its graces upon the Master Maverick for all of his tireless maverick efforts on their behalf.  In return, those fellow Democrats always get what they want, and can claim bipartisanship and compromise even when it isn’t there.

So I don’t want to hear another word about McCain’s temper.  HE IS COMPLETELY ZEN-LIKE, YOU CHICKEN*%$#!  EFF YOU, HE’S AS CALM AS A MOUNTAIN LAKE, YOU &*$HOLE!  HE ONLY ARGUES PASSIONATELY FOR HIS DEMOCRATIC PARTY BECAUSE HE’S A TRUE BELIEVER.  All you Republicans should be honored he bothers to Speak The Profanity in Loud Tones at you at all.  You aren’t worthy to dry clean his official Congressional pen set.