How do I know the Master Maverick, John McCain only wants maverick supporters?  Did I do some great scientific study?  Consult a crystal ball?  Start having delusions after a few liters of Mountain Dew too many?  Am I a genius?  Crazed?  OveRCafFienATEd?  Well, yes, I’m overcaffienated, but that’s hardly the point.

In any case, it’s a valid question.  I am, after all, asking millions of people to make a massive lifestyle decision based on my word alone.  Becoming a maverick supporter after being an ordinary, vanilla supporter for so long is a big choice.  I know this firsthand, because my enlightenment into becoming his Bestest #1 Maverick Supporter in the Whole Wide World took forever. 

So, here’s some proof that joining the Master Maverick’s incomprehensibly brilliant master plan to win the Presidency by making everyone in the country vote against him is exactly what he wants.

Ordinary, Vanilla Supporter Examples

• The Republican Party:  This party was full of ordinary, vanilla support for the Master Maverick, John McCain.  They helped him get elected, then re-elected, let him earn seniority, and gave him committee assignments.  Truly disgusting and unworthy, so he treated them that way.  Not only did he undermine them any way he could since 2000, but he bad-mouthed them too.
• The State of Arizona:  You know, that place filled with the ordinary, vanilla supporters that elected him.  One in every seven people living in the state is an illegal, and they’re arguably the hardest hit by illegal immigration in the whole country.  Despite this fact, McCain still tried to pass an amnesty bill into law not once but three times with Ted Kennedy (once prior to the 2006 election, and twice after).  Since they were all just ordinary, vanilla supporters, what was he supposed to do?  You’d think they would expect him to serve them or something.
• Senator Lindsey Graham:  Bestest #1 Ordinary Supporter of McCain in the Whole Wide World and Official Maverick Housepet.  After years of tireless support following the Master Maverick everywhere he led, he’s facing multiple primary challengers for his job this year for taking the same stance on issues McCain did.  Maybe he’ll fend them off, and maybe he won’t.  Maybe he’ll lose in the general election, maybe he won’t.  As of this article, I don’t know, but he wouldn’t have had this trouble in the first place but for his ordinary, vanilla support of McCain.  Who can blame the Master Maverick for this guy’s troubles, though?  After eight years, a pet sycophant would annoy me too.

Show them no pity, for they are only ordinary, vanilla supporters, and not fit to lie prostrate before the Master Maverick and gaze in awe at his flaring nostrils.  If you’re one of them and you’re still reading this, there is hope for you.  You can change.  There is still time.  In fact, it’s never too late to become a maverick supporter, and be like this next group of people.

Maverick Supporter Examples

• The Democratic Party:  The party that lesser people might say used John McCain as a useful idiot to undermine Bush, and have just gotten into gear to attack him this presidential season.  In return, John McCain adopted their entire political philosophy, and made their lives fun and easy by getting on Bill Frist’s nerves and in Bush’s face.
• The New York Times:  They turned on him and published a story about an affair he supposedly had that cannot be substantiated, after being first in his heart for years.  Was his response “THAT’S IT!  IT’S ON NOW, PAL!  I’M COLLECTING EVERY ONE OF YOUR NEWSPAPERS THAT HAS EVER WRAPPED A FISH OR BEEN IN THE BOTTOM OF A BIRD CAGE, AND MAILING THEM IN BULK TO YOUR CHIEF EDITOR!”?  No.  It was a half-hearted “I’m disappointed” speech, and then he never said another word.
• Ann Coulter:  Truly, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the first major member of the conservative mediasphere who said “I don’t care if there’s an ‘R’ in front of his name, I’m not supporting John McCain for President” and stuck to the position.  She’s a pioneer in the newest, most cutting edge paradigm of the 21st century, the maverick supporter.  What does John McCain say about her?  Nothing.

Is it anecdotal?  Possibly.  We’re all pioneering new ground here.  As far as I know, I’m the first person to chronicle the shining legend that is the Master Maverick, John McCain’s behavior.  Still, it’s tough to ignore the evidence, so it’s time for the gratuitous lifestyle plug.

You can be a maverick supporter of the Master Maverick, John McCain.  You have my permission.  It will make you so much happier and more well-adjusted than being an ordinary, vanilla supporter of his.  Heck, you might like it so much, you become John McCain’s Bestest #2 Maverick Supporter in the Whole Wide World, and start your own yank site about him.

Don’t wait.  Be happy.  Be healthy.  Become one with the maverick paradigm, and join us in the 21st century.